27 Different Types of Breast Shapes & Sizes

Breasts come in many different shapes. There’s also a lot of different sizes and when combined with the different shapes, stages and variety; this can confuse a lot of people (mainly men but we won’t hold it against them – although I’m sure they would like you to). There’s not one particular breast name that will be fitting for you throughout your lifetime either – so let’s dive in… (oh the puns).

1. The Peaches:

These are not as common as what everyone might think. The average breasts are actually very rare. Sorry to burst your bubble boys but when seen on screen or in magazines, these perfectly proportioned and naturally gravity defying bosoms are actually not as common as you think.

Also known as:

• The teenager
• The perfect
• The ideal
• The wish-I-still-had-em
• The photoshopped

2. The Conical

These can be found on any age of woman. Don’t be fooled and think that these have had a hard life of breastfeeding or horse riding because they can belong to anyone.

Also known as:

• The relaxed
• The narrow

3. The wide set

Usually found on people who sleep on their stomachs. Just kidding!

4. The East – West

When your nipples are facing away from each other. These can be wide set also or they can be close set with your nipples facing away.

Also known as:

• The divorce
• The snobs

5. The Round

Just as full as they are on top as they are underneath. It’s difficult to tell which way is up when you’re doing a handstand.

6. The Day nappers

When your boobs are so high under your chin that you can rest your head on them and have a little nap.

Also known as:

• The portable pillow
• The chin resters

7. The close set

Whether you are small or large busted, your boobs are set very close together .

Also known as:

• Daylight savings
• Where’s my necklace
• The permanent cleavage

8. The Itty bitty’s

You might be jealous of your big busted friends but they are jealous of you too. They will never know what it’s like to sleep on their stomach, buy pretty bras, run to catch the bus waving 2 hands or free-boobing. Argh the free-boobing.

9. The half – fed

Breastfeeding mums – you know this one. One side is empty, the other side is 3 cup sizes bigger and leaking and baby is sleeping. Welcome to motherhood.

10. The Roald Dahls

Also known as: Twits tits

11. The fought hard as hell!!!

12. The robots

13. The canoes

14. The watch where you’re goings

Always pointing down and looking where you’re going. Pity they don’t seem to stop you from falling on your face though.

15. The desk resters

When your bra is just not doing its job – it’s time to rest them on the desk in front of you and give your shoulders a break.

16. The Ian Thorpes

If this one needs explaining. Ian Thorpe is a swimming Australian hero – his nickname down under is Torpedo.

17. The Madonnas

Like a version – need we say more.

18. The milk jugs

aka when you’ve just had your baby and your milk comes in

19. Twin Peaks

20. The asymmetrical

21. The ski jumps

Also known as:

• Tear drop
• Bell

22. The ghosts

When there is just a nipple

23. The melons

When they look like a melon cut in half and stuck to your chest – round and hard. Usually seen with a skimpy triangular bikini skimming the nip.

Also known as:

• The pamelas
• The fake
• The are they reals
• The walk behinds
• The coconuts

24. The ‘where did they come froms’

Usually when you least expect it – they appear from nowhere

25. The mad mens

Sporting one of the first restrictive bras and seen recently on series Mad men; also known as:

• The marilyns
• The sheepdogs (round them up and point them out)

26. The decorated

When you can’t find enough places to pierce or these are your first option.

27. The Crayolas

Also known as:
Teachers pet